Out of Context

"It's your fault that this happened."

2006-06-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say. This makes me lose all respect for the Japanese culture and ashamed to be Asian at the same time. But for some reason, I can't stop laughing.

It's your fault that this happened.

GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-10T01:54:00.000-07:00

It sure is great to be a guy. Since there's no goalie, I guess it's almost too easy to make it in... as long as you don't use your hands, right?

I win.

2006-05-30T23:17:00.000-07:00

Looking at the latest Google trends, it looks like I win.

And in Santiago, Chile, I really win big.

Aaron has nothing on me.

But for some reason, I still feel cheated. It must be that extra bit of zygotic tissue Aaron stole from me from the "split" during our gestation days. He took my X chromosome, and now I am all man.

Gifted.

2006-05-30T22:54:00.000-07:00

The Chinese have done it! They've made the ultimate fighter! Can you believe what an awesome ability this kid has just inherited? Granted, kids on the play ground will probably laugh and make fun of him, but think about the potential! He can just grab their heads with two hands, and slap them silly with the third. AMAZING!

When I was born, doctors thought I had an extra appendage too - a third leg - but later they realized that I was really just "gifted".

Doggy Bag

2006-05-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

"Hurray! My master’s putting on his coat, getting ready to take me outside! Wait, what’s this? What are you putting on me? Oh god, I can’t breathe. Why am I being lifted off the ground!? You bastard! I will eat your child."

I just wonder if airlines would consider it an odd-sized luggage.

A photo is worth 1000 cute furry animals...

2006-05-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

This is just ridiculous.

World's second smallest man!

2006-05-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

Mwhahahaha! I got you! This isn't the world's second smallest man! No! It's a Chinese drug trafficking mule-cat!

Haven't you seen Maria Full of Grace? This is the same story, just different species! And it's set in China, not South America. Chinese people copy EVERYTHING.

(He's actually trying to calculate how many cocaine filled condom-balls are in the cat. Being ever so good with mathematics, it's just a matter of calculating the volume of the cat divided by the volume of an average drug ball. Chinese people are so smart!)

Who's still reading this?

2006-05-30T18:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted crap for over a month. Hopefully my plan to weed out the least devout readers among you worked, and those of you reading now are the ones that will heed my every word.

With that said, let me use this post to tell you why you should renounce Windows and anything made by Microsoft. This perhaps will be the most boring post you'll ever read on here, albeit the most serious and informative.

First off, Vista is just Microsoft trying to catch up w/ everyone, especially Mac OS X. Plus they're doing a crappy job at it too. I mean seriously, have you seen the specs you'll need to run that crap? 40 GB of hd space + 15 GB free? Ridiculous amounts of ram, video, and cpu power? $500 bucks? I could go on and on.

Don't think that because I use a Mac that I am naturally against Microsoft products. I like Microsoft products because they're great for pointing out what not to do. I mean, it's like the whole Yin-Yang thing. You can't have good without evil or quality without crap. Microsoft's sole purpose is to make everyone else look better.

I guess the lesson to be learned is this: Don't try to please everyone, because in the end, you'll basically provide crappy service and products to everyone.

Use something else besides Windows. Try Ubuntu Linux, or splurge a little and get a Mac. There's a bit of a learning curve, but in the end, you'll realize how much better everything is outside the Windows Matrix.

And to top it off, even Microsoft's own marketing people know what's wrong w/ themselves, as can be seen in this funny "what if Microsoft designed the iPod box?" video, yet nothing's changed.

All work and no play makes Jack a crazy transient.

2006-04-27T01:21:00.000-07:00

Children can be so creative. Unfortunately, without the proper guidance, these children can end up becoming the crazy homeless people you see beating off in your direction on a public sidewalk one quiet morning in New York City.

But that's another story for another time. (Should there be any anxiety that I may not be able to recount this story for your entertainment, there is nothing to worry about. The memory of this incident is forever seared onto the back of my occipital lobe, and like a bad case of herpes, continues to resurface and plague me in my sleep.)

I'm sure if M.C. Escher had this pedagogical criticism early on in his youth, he wouldn't have been half as crazy as he was in his later years when he made his now famous-but-insane waterfall.

Pimp my snack.

2006-04-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

Following in the footsteps of the ever so popular show, Pimp My Ride, (which is about compensating for a lack of genital superiority, OR as most people see it, enhancing your ride) the good people of Pimp My Snack have taken that concept to the unnecessary realm of gluttony with the PimpKat.

I kinda like it.

Now I just need to find out how to Pimp My Girlfriend...

... wait, that doesn't sound right. Scratch that.

How to win an argument in one easy step.

2006-04-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

This might look like a bad photo taken out of context. I'm sure this couple was arguing about how to quickly neutralize an entomological threat. The man stepped in and took care of business, ending the argument and saving the day.

Drastic? Perhaps. Effective? Definitely. How else can you kill an Africanized Honey Bee from disfiguring the flawless visage of the person you love?

Fortunately for bees, I do not condone this kind of violent, dexterous persuasion. But I bet I can find someone who does.

Thanks Rey for the tip.

They might be giants.

2006-04-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

Acromegaly? Perhaps.

Not-giant-but-actually-surrounded-by-super-tiny-people? Possible.

A third leg that would make gorillas jealous? Not very likely.

Just look at the size of the girl's head and how it conveniently hides his Lewinsky Lunch.

What exactly is she staring at anyway? Why are all the people in the photo female? Must be some weird fascination with the beard.

Either that or I don't get it. Haven't they seen a naked man before?

Speaking of naked...

Now that's something to stare at. Looks a bit uncomfortable though.

Indian beggar kids learn new tricks

2006-04-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently the kids in India have learned a new trick when it comes to begging... they can suction themselves onto any glass surface and force every last ounce of pity from you... especially when you open the door and they're still stuck to the glass... in all their tantalizing illusionary 2D glory.

Or maybe the store owners have taught their own kids this David Blaine-like ~~card~~ kid-in-glass trick to get shoppers to stay indoors and spend more money, fearing that they might become victims of muggings by little thugs dressed in pink sweaters.

See the guy walking through the door? Yah, that's his dad... giving him his daily "oops, I meant to pat your head, but it seems to be stuck in the glass... keep up the good work" approval as he walks out the door, smug with the knowledge that when he comes back to his store, his customers will still be there... shopping.

The forced-spending-through-guilt-inducing-beggar-kids-in-pink-sweaters-embedded-in-glass theory is sounding a lot more plausible, now that I think about it...

The kid in the photo is also kinda dumb. I mean, why does he only have one hand outstretched when two hands can take in more money? Maybe he's not that needy? Or maybe... he uses his other hand to swat the flies around him, kinda like those kids you see on tv with the bulging stomachs in Africa.

I mean, if I were them, I'd use the ruthless tactics of the street thuglings you see here in L.A. Kinda like those wanna be gangstas wandering around the UCLA campus who try to get you to buy candy for $8 bucks a pop. (You know who I'm talking about.. don't deny it. You've been scammed like Aaron does everytime he sees them.)

Gotta love photoshop.

Alex's Tales from the West Indies

2006-04-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

Sit down boys and girls and let me tell you another story from my adventures in Indonesia.

One day, as I was navigating the wild jungles of Indonesia, I happened to have a chance encounter with a ferocious tiger...

... And this tiger so happened to make a killing off selling Toyotas ... but I digress.

The real issue at hand is the fact that this "tiger" was living proof of the world's smallest humans that were found in Indonesia!

I'm sure most of you are thinking.. "How can this "tiger" be proof of small humans?"

Well my curious friends, it's because that "tiger" is not a real tiger at all! No, in fact, it is a little man dressed as a tiger. Now, take a second to let that thought sink in... what I've just put out in the open may seem like heresy to those of you non-believers.

You may be wondering, "But great, omniscient Alex! Though I surely do not question your authority on all matters big and small, I see a little tiger before my eyes!"

And to you I would reply, "Yes, but that is no ordinary tiger, my faithful believer. It is just a Lilliputian man disguised as a tiger."

To which some of you may further question, "But if it is a man... it must be a little, little man... couldn't it just be a little kid dressed in a tiger suit, selling Toyotas to non-suspecting, tiger-loving adults?"

"What bold claims you have!", I would deftly reply, "You seriously believe that such a highly civilized place such as Indonesia would really allow children to work under such harsh, sweaty conditions in order to earn their place at the dinner table?"

Though I suppose you may have a plausible case, I won't rule out the possibility that these Indonesian dwarves still exist, living among us under the guise of well groomed animals. But we'll never know the truth, and I refuse to believe that little children would seriously be allowed to be dressed as animals in order to serve the adult world of business.

However...

... I do believe that they are perfectly allowed to work for other children, while dressed up in animal suits.

Gotta love capitalism

2006-04-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

I wonder who came up with this idea?

Sure, it sounds good on paper, but did they even think of the implications? What if someone really followed through with the message without getting it's obvious advertorial facetiousness?

Man, what a mess they would have...

... I mean, think. Great, you would gain a couple of clients (who'd also qualify themselves for the Darwin awards), but how would you put them back together after they've been dismembered and shredded by a subway train? Could you imagine what the open casket funeral would look like? I mean, what if they can't find a piece of the body, since it was probably splattered all over the front of the train? What a nightmare it must be for any funeral service, let alone one that encourages people to get shredded by trains.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not in advertising. These are some tough questions that obviously weren't raised. If they were smart, they would have known that Aaron's been trying to use this trick his whole life... on unsuspecting children... to no avail.

The above photo is a dramatization. No children were harmed by Aaron in it's production.

Only 5 more days left to celebrate!

2006-04-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

The end is drawing near.

The antichrist that is called Aaron is coming.

Most of us would see the above picture and read "GOOD"...

Aaron on the other hand, would read it otherwise... it may be difficult for you to see it, but trust me, if you try to think like Aaron and think "EVIL", you will see it too. Just make sure to cleanse your mind after.

I'm sure all of you are aware what this means. It means that Aaron will soon bring terror and destruction upon all our lives! This is the same person who believes in solving world hunger by feeding starving people even more famished starving people. In other words, feeding people, people. Don't believe me? He's already begun eating insects!

This is the time where we must stand up and rebel! Bar your windows! Hide your children! Hide your children's children! (if this applies to you)

More importantly...

Hide your fertilized eggs!

"14 Blades by 2100"

2006-04-01T02:24:00.000-08:00

I just read this post on Wootae's Xanga about his experience with the new Gillette Fusion Power Razor with 5 (!!!) razor blades...

...which leads to the question... Where does it end? Despite the obvious answer, Moore's law applied to razor technology may shed some light onto this ongoing phenomenon... where according to The Economist, we should be rocking the 14 blade razors in no time.

Interestingly enough, this future of double-digit razor blade razors has already been predicted, if I remember correctly, by Mad TV's diligent pre-cogs. I can't believe I actually remember this video and that I'm lucky enough to find it on Youtube.com for all of you guys to now enjoy and laugh with me. (Or if you are as enthused about this razor as Wootae, then rejoice in the possibility of having the closest shave possible, even if that means reshaping your jaw line.)

Is the world ready for another twisted psychopath Aaron?

2006-04-01T01:41:00.000-08:00

It's somewhat unbelievable that there's someone else out there with the same twisted logic/humor as Aaron. I mean, how else would you be able to explain these (admittedly) hilarious Perry Bible Fellowship comics?

Well if you like those, wait til you check out some of these...

As you can see, they're from Cyanide and Happiness. Check it out, you sicko. LOL.

Thanks Rey for the tip.

How many people does a ninja kill in a day?

2006-04-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

Well if you've ever wondered that, or you've had a slightly peculiar interest about ninjas that has never been fully explored, I suggest you watch the "Ask A Ninja" video series. Not only are they thoroughly informative, I guarantee that if you have any sense of humor in your body, you will be the one apologizing to everyone else in the room for laughing so hard that you pissed all over pants...

...and now, if you'll excuse me, I need to change into some dry pants.

So, why should you watch anymore? Well the answer to that question, my ninja-loving friend, is simple.. "Ninja!"

Here's another favorite of mine.

If you want more, I suggest you subscribe to the podcast through iTunes or visit their website.

Please donate to feed the hungry in China.

2006-03-17T01:56:00.000-08:00

I think these photos are self explanatory.

(G'luck Aaron in ever finding another girlfriend again.... unless of course, I mysteriously find a crisp new Benjamin under my pillow, which may make these following photos *ahem* disappear).

Crap! I bought the wrong computer..

2006-03-17T01:43:00.000-08:00

...Maybe I should have gotten a Dell instead of my (unbelievable amazing) Apple Macbook Pro.

Where's Waldo Voldemort Aaron?

2006-03-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

Aaron has used his "fruit-replicating" technique to hide from even the sharpest of eyes.

Some of you may be wondering why the last several posts have all been written by me. Many of you will think that I actually achieved my congenital desire to rid myself of any defective tissue that remained from my birth, or as I see it, my parent's only mistake in life, which some people call by the name, "Aaron".

Well, it seems that "Aaron" has traveled back to the motherland, in perhaps an unconscious effort to rid our family of shame. Either way, he is in a land where censorship is king, and thus no blogs can exist. Not even this one.

Like the Harry Potter books, his name is synonymous with Voldemort - unspoken and filled with thoughts of evil. So let us all now begin the emotional purging and upheaval that must be done to cleanse our mouths with the foul taste of even uttering his name.

Translation: let the trash talking and Aaron-bashing begin without hesitation. I know I have. Just read this post and you'll see that I am afraid of no one. Yes, even the Great Firewall of China actually has some value for our freedom-loving, government-critiquing, anti-censorship society, namely in keeping Aaron from ever knowing about our real feelings about him.

In closing, I hope that the comments section of this blog be quickly filled with similar libel against ~~Voldemort~~ Aaron. If not, then I can only assume the worst... that Aaron's demonic influences reach far beyond the depths of China, and has silenced even the most vocal of you.

For those doubtful that Aaron is really in China, the above picture was intended as proof of his new country of residence. Yes, some of you may say that this could have been taken anywhere. Like, for example, Chinatown... in New York. BUT, upon careful examination of this photo, one will see the authenticity of this photo is in the details.

Here you will see that this man is wearing communism-inspired attire, which can only really be worn seriously outdoor in China. There, my friends, is your proof.

Fall Out Boy's New Song! "Ted's Pants"

2006-03-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

After watching this insightful karaoke-style video of Fall Out Boy's latest song, I still can't stop laughing. I never really listened to the lyrics of this song before, but I actually thought this song was called "Dance, Dance"... I guess I was way off... "Ted's Pants" makes a lot more sense now that I have these lyrics to follow! I can't wait to sing this song next time I karaoke. Especially the line

"And this is the walrus you love to eat"

... who knew they talked about eating walrus?! Now, if they only they had these for the Strokes and Jay Chou, then I'm afraid, it would be nearly impossible to pry me from the mic.

Baja Fresh Out of Service

2006-02-21T00:48:00.000-08:00

In a digression from the usual theme of our blog, I feel that I must warn everyone from eating at Baja Fresh. Yes, one store can fuck it up for the whole chain.

The other day, I ate at the Baja Fresh near my house and thought I would have one of their new Chicken Fajita Burritos. After ordering the burrito, I paid with a $20 bill, only to be given my receipt and no change. Idiot. Figuring that working day in and day out at a Baja Fresh, with it's blinding white walls and counters, would somehow cause its workers to zone out frequently, I overlooked this mistake and asked for my money back. However, the worker, still oblivious to the fact that he actually took a single bill with the number 20 on it, had to make sure it was his mistake and not mine. He asked for the receipt and I showed it to him. Finally realizing his mistake, he then apologized and gave me back my correct change.

About 10 minutes later, my order is ready, and I had already prepared for taking on this monstrous burrito of fahita-ed chicken by getting cups of my favorite salsas from the salsa bar. After neatly unwrapping the burrito from the foil, I took my first bite, and I realized that this was no ordinary chicken. No.. it was actually beef.

At this point, I double checked my receipt, just to make sure it was them that fucked up my order... and it was. So I took the burrito to the counter and told them I wanted chicken, not beef. The lady at the counter apologized and took back the burrito with my bite marks still fresh with saliva.

Amazingly, 2 minutes later, one of the Baja people come up to me with a new burrito, apologizing again for the mistake. At this point, I couldn't care less about his worthless apologies, and I soon found myself in the midst of sinking my teeth back into this "new" chicken fahita burrito.

This time, the "chicken" was a lot tougher than I was normally used to. In fact, it looked brown, with more meat striations than normal chicken flesh. In disbelief, I refused to acknowledge this as another mistake, and I nibbled a bit more on the beef-like chicken.

Idiots. They gave me a beef fahita burrito again!

I double checked the other end for bite marks to make sure they didn't just flip the previous burrito around, and to my dismay, it seemed to be intact, leaving me no other conclusion but the fact that this Baja Fresh restaurant was seriously in need of someone with an IQ of over 12.

Again, I returned to the counter... to the same lady... only minutes after the last time... and told her (showing her my receipt this time) that I had ordered chicken and not beef. I'm pretty sure she apologized again to me, though at this point, I had already blocked out any sentence with the word "sorry" in it. The only thing I remember was that she said that she would give me a free chicken burrito for the next time I came back.

I thought I at least deserved this much and so I said nothing more, returning to my seat. Fortunately for me (and to keep this story from an endless loop of ineptitude), my third and final burrito was correctly made.

In fact, when they brought out my newest burrito, they even gave me TWO coupons for free Baja Burritos with Chicken! As I was eating (more like devouring by this point) my burrito, I happened to glance at the fine print on the coupon.

Well apparently, this coupon provided a free Baja Burrito with Chicken but only with the purchase of a regular size soft drink. Great. I should've have expected as much. Bastards.

Reading further on the coupon's fine print only solidified my decision that from this day forth (it was Feb. 19th), I would never eat here or at any Baja Fresh again. This bit of information is what I'll leave for the detectives inside all of you to see for yourself why you too, should avoid Baja Fresh like the Baja Plague.

The world's smallest old man!

2006-02-05T10:46:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how small this guy is... you would think that vertically-challenged people and hobbits would have more health problems down the road, due to their small body/large organ imbalance, but look! he is still healthy enough to lift a rabbit at his old centenarian age.

What's even more incredible is the fact that he even has clothes made for his size! I wonder how long it took someone to make that little hat he's wearing. Or those miniature spectacles.

This truly blows my mind. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so small. If he were any smaller, I'd think that rabbit he's holding could really eat him up. Incredible!

My dog just gave birth!

2006-01-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, the puppies got squished too hard when they came out. They came out all black and hairless. I don't know why the puppies turned out that way, but I think it was a miscarriage. Maybe it's because my dog is a male, so it might make it harder to have normal babies.. I don't know about you guys, but I'm completely baffled.

There can only be one...

2006-01-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

Alex isn't funny ... and I've got at least six other "friends" (and one more in the chamber) who agree with me.

...and sometimes making fun of Alex it's just too easy...

Yup, that's our man under the blanket. You can't tell, but he's actually crying...crying in his pants.

Talented Mr. Aaron (the vegetable).

2006-01-28T02:30:00.000-08:00

Apparently Aaron actually has some talents that he likes to showcase every once and awhile. One of his many talents is the ability to blush on command! It really has no use, not even to get out of embarassing situations... but damn it if he didn't already master such an inept ability.

At least this one is better than his other talent, which most people have mastered already, called breathing. I seriously don't understand how he does it everyday, along with thinking and eating. He must be the most talented human vegetable I know.

Speaking of vegetables, here's a pic of Aaron pretending he's a tomato. (but really, it's just a variation on his blushing ability).

Alex's New Pet

2006-01-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

So Alex recently discovered his new pet while walking from the theater to the parking lot. It's name is Air and he keeps it in an empty water bottle which he carries around in the hood of his jacket(s). Feel free to laugh at Alex about his new pet, because, you know, I did ... and still do.

Why In-N-Out will never go out of business

2006-01-28T01:33:00.000-08:00

So a couple of years ago, there was a time when Aaron was so proud of himself for managing to order and eat an entire 5x11 In-N-Out burger (5 patties and 11 slices of cheese). He even documented this in attempts to wow most people who've never eaten more than a double-double.

Then came a story about someone who ate a 20x20 by himself, which Aaron found fascinating:

Well, like all personal accomplishments, there comes a time when they get crushed into insignificant little pieces by someone else.. Aaron, of all people, knows this well, having lived in my accomplishment-crushing shadow all his life. However this time even I cannot compete on the level that this group has achieved...

Here's a story about a group of 8 people who managed to finish off a 100 x 100 In-N-Out burger! Grab a kleenex Aaron... haha.

However, I must give Aaron some credit... since he did eat an entire 5x11 by himself... however pitiful that now seems in light of this story. Either way, this is why America (and In-N-Out) is so great. (Besides the fact that they have a secret menu!) Gotta love it.

Keep on doing what you do best, my fellow Chinese comrade

2006-01-25T01:15:00.000-08:00

Let's assume you live in China, and having lived all your life in the clutches of Communism, you are left starving and hungry watching Capitalism make the rich richer and the poor left with nothing but the prospect of selling their daughters to some form of peculiar institution. However, all you have is bad weather, some 411 on inadequate road conditions, and a camera. What do you do?

Well my friend, I have just the right story to get you motivated and seriously on your way to fame and fortune. Take the story of Liu Tao, who so happened to have a similar situation in which he actually capitalized on the unfortunate accident involving a bicycler and a pothole covered by rain water. Apparently, he knew about the pothole under the rain water, but instead of warning others about the potential danger, he did what all entrepreneurial Chinese people would do... wait for the right sucker to ride their poor little bike over the hole and eat shit, while capturing the Kodak moment in full ISO 1600 greatness. I'll let the photo speak for itself.

Man... that's some fucked up shit. But hey, one man's misery is another man's lucrative money making scheme. Chinese people are smart, but sometimes intelligence gets in the way of business ethics. And altruism. And any kind of moral obligation to their fellow comrades.

(However, if you were like me and laughed upon seeing this photo, I highly suggest you click the "more" link and check out the full series!! DISCLAIMER: If in anyway you find this offensive or morally repulsive, I was just joking about this being funny. Tao should be locked up with the Falun Gong people.)

Hilarious. ...in a immoral sort of way of course.

Ever had the balls to order just one?

2006-01-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

So in Singapore, and in many other big cities around the world, there's a restaurant called Din Tai Fung which specializes in dumplings, but very special ones made by magical Chinese elves (translation: dozens of cheap non-Chinese laborers who slave away in a giant fish tank).

These little precious dumplings are expensive, some could call them the Chinese answer to sushi, however, getting to eat at such a popular restaurant requires the utmost patience (translation: a huge line), money (translation: money), and a little bit of snobbishness at the fact that you are paying to eat overpriced, albeit delicious, morsels of orgasmic culinary perfectionism.

Now imagine having the cojones (translation: balls) to go through the ordeal of getting a seat in one of these restaurants, and ordering just one dumpling. Yes. Just one. Just to let you know the work that must go into getting one dumpling may take some explanation...

Ordinarily, after waiting an hour or two to get seated, people are so hungry that they order gang loads of dumplings, torn between squandering their children's future college savings to fund their time in dumpling nirvana and their insatiable desire to consume these steamed, doughy pouches filled with precisely prepared porcine flesh.

I, like so many before me, have had this Hajj-like encounter.

But not this time, no. Believe it or not (translation: just go along with me for once and believe!), I resisted the fiery temptation of dumpling gluttony! I did what so many have only dared to dream...

I ordered just one.

The sweatshop chefs must've been pissed because they prepare all their dumplings in orders of 10, which happens to be enough to fill an entire wooden steamer container, and then steam them upon receiving the order. However, I didn't care.

The surreal experience was a melange of unwavering dedication to principle, the expectation of a crash and burn failure, and most importantly, the feeling that my balls were exceeding the physical constraints of my no longer baggy jeans.

So now you might be wondering what exactly was the point of this whole post (translation: I ask because I myself wonder why anyone with a life would even read this far), and this is the reason why:

To share with you the fruits of my labor...

Don't download this picture all at once my faithful dumpling followers.... Google's server may not be able to handle the overload. There is no way to adequately describe the sensation of resisting such unholy temptation. However, I liken it to staring Lucifer (translation: Aaron) in the eyes, and then spitting in it. It's almost unimaginable, but there's my proof, in all it's gourmet glory. Behold!

"Please do not sit nor rest on the fixture"

2006-01-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

As I was loitering around in one of the Zara's in Singapore (don't ask), I casually witnessed comedic gold unfold before my very eyes.

Fortunately, I had a camera on hand and the stealth-like prowess of the paparazzi to record this spontaneous bit of humor.

I suppose that if I were the equivalent size of an elephant, I would be pretty self-conscious about drawing further undue attention to my fat ass...

Then again, as an elephant, there are only so many places to park that fat ass. So here's a case of ignorance versus blatant-disregard-for-authority-due-to-necessity:

Does this lady know about the sign or is it a matter of necessity that she find a suitable desk-chair to sit on before her legs collapse due to the sheer strain placed upon them? I'll let you guys decide. haha.

Is the world racist?

2006-01-12T15:16:00.000-08:00

I just saw this ad on the Lenovo/IBM site about them trying to pick a new color for their new widescreen laptops. Well, after voting for the titanium color (read: white), I checked to see how the rest of the world was voting...

...and it does seem that the world is indeed racist... or at least split along colored lines.

If Lenovo does follow what the racist world decides on, then it will be a sad day for all the Lenovo retail stores in Africa, because their sales will surely take a sharp dive. There is no way the people of Africa will stand for this.. they will certainly be busy fighting this injustice.. that is, of course, when they're not busy trying to buy one of these!!!

Sign Language

2006-01-05T03:23:00.000-08:00

Translation: Watch out for caution signs.

Arachnophobia

2006-01-05T02:52:00.000-08:00

So the other day I was walking down a sidewalk (for fun) and I just so happened to look down to discover that I almost stepped on a GIANT BEAST of a spider.

Those of you that know me also know that I am deathly afraid of spiders. Those of you that really know me will recognize my shoe as well. You can't see it, but my toes are screaming in horror.

For some reason though, my camera recorded a slightly different image so I kinda adjusted the image above in order to truly capture the moment. Below is the actual image.

This is the actual picture, but not the actual spider. You just had to be there.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-05T01:58:00.000-08:00

What up!

Can you imagine how hard it is to take a clear picture of a license plate on the car in front of you while driving on the freeway??? I can.

So it seems that no one is really keeping this blog updated...and by no one, I mean me. I am the only one posting! Where's Alex??? Oh wait, he's having a blast (or two) in Indonesia. Hopefully, he'll start posting again if he ever makes it back.

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't believe we started this blog last year and this is only the 10th post. It's pretty sad, I know. So to make up for it, I'll write a couple more posts after this one.

Alex's Travels

2005-12-22T15:21:00.000-08:00

Alexander last seen waiting at LAX

Alexander Chiang left last night for South-East Asia. When he returns next year, he will be a new man...a new man by the name of Alexander Gowarno. You can keep up with his journey here or click on the link under the links section.

Soon after he left, his family was struck with a profound feeling of loss and sadness...

Why you should drive a truck

2005-12-21T19:44:00.000-08:00

Strolling through the parking lot of South Coast Plaza, Alex and I couldn't stop laughing after seeing how this car and truck were parked.

What a bastard... hahahahahha

It's an age old question...which came first, the Acura or the Ford?

Thousands of cars line up to see blue storage container

2005-12-20T02:54:00.000-08:00

Question: What would be the best place to put a blue storage container if you wanted people to drive by to take a look?

Answer: Why on the 60 freeway of course!

I was so happy that someone decided to put it there because I would have never seen it otherwise. Surprisingly I wasn't alone...the container got so popular that people started lining up just to drive past it.

I didn't get a chance to really appreciate it, so I decided to go to the end of the line for one more go-around...

...the line was longer than I expected.

LA, what a great place.

Messed up cat

2005-12-19T03:42:00.000-08:00

I saw a messed up cat today. I don't know if it was deformed or it slept funny or what...but damn was it freaky.

This is what the cat actually looks like. I didn't just take a picture of it while it was yawning or anything.

Then it went to eat...so I followed it. As I was watching it fatten itself up, I noticed I had a speck of dirt on my left shoe...

Anyway, I just thought you cat-lovers out there should be aware before buying/finding a cat to raise.

Tom Kills Oprah

2005-12-19T02:55:00.000-08:00

Scientology actually pays off.

I have no idea why this video is so funny to me. I think I need sleep.

What happens after you eat the meat...

2005-12-19T01:24:00.000-08:00

What a fucked up dog. If I didn't know better, I'd think that this is what happens to the rest of the dog after people eat it. If you like pictures like this, or feel like you have been missing "cuteness" in your life, you can get your fill here.

Xmas Party

2005-12-19T01:22:00.000-08:00

So Friday was our dad's annual company xmas party. This year, Wootae decided to come along and enjoy free wine... what a wine-o right? Well, Wootae never showed up so we went looking for him and surprise! surprise! we caught him enjoying himself at an ugly show. ("ugly" is used here as a noun in conjunction with the word "show", so please pronounce it correctly in your heads)

Cat-Lovers, Rejoice!

2005-12-19T00:45:00.000-08:00

This is the story about a boy... and his cat. It takes place somewhere in the armpit of America. Let's just assume Wisconsin, because we all know it's the cheese that drives them crazy. Either that or Lake Michigan. Boy, do I love me some cat. Mmm-Mmm-mmmmm.

Welcome to The Suck

2005-12-19T00:35:00.000-08:00

This is our second attempt at a joint-blogging-venture. Our first attempt ended along with our college life. So enjoy, scum. oorah.